Tuesday, July 31, 2012

The Unicorn

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who dreamed of someday having a unicorn. The little girl had always wanted a unicorn. (Who doesn't want a unicorn?) All her life, she wondered what it would be like to have a unicorn of her own...a strong, beautiful, magical unicorn...yes, that would make her life so fantastic! She spent countless hours imagining the fun they would have, dancing in meadows, playing on beaches, galloping through forests...oh, what a happy little girl she would be if she could just find her unicorn. "Surely," she mused, "my unicorn is out there somewhere...and I shall find him!"  And, so she searched.

In another village, across the river, there lived a jackass.  The jackass had always dreamed of someday being a unicorn.  He so wanted to be a unicorn. (Who doesn't want to be a unicorn?) All his life, he wondered what it would be like to be a unicorn...a strong, beautiful, magical unicorn...yes, that would make his life so fantastic!  He spent countless hours imagining the fun he would have, frolicking in meadows, playing on beaches, galloping through forests...all the while, hearing the villagers cry, "Oh! Look at the beautiful unicorn!"

One day, the jackass had a wonderful idea. "Say, why not make myself into a unicorn? Surely, it cannot be terribly difficult." So, the jackass began to dig through the garbage behind a local ice cream shop where he found a discarded waffle cone. "Voila!" he shouted as he tucked his long, floppy ears into his curly mane and promptly affixed the waffle cone to his forehead.  Then, the jackass doused himself with white paint and a sprinkling of glitter. "Behold!" he cried. "I am a unicorn, indeed!" and he began to prance about the shores of the river singing and dancing and looking very much like a unicorn.  And the villagers noticed him.

"Look at the unicorn!" they cheered. "He is such a handsome unicorn...we love the unicorn...we cannot get enough of him!" And the people began to follow the unicorn everywhere he went, hoping for the opportunity to meet the unicorn...to speak to him...perhaps, even, to touch him.  The unicorn loved their attention, so he began to do tricks for them. He pranced on his hind legs, waving his front hooves in the air; he sang songs about rainbows and sparkly things; he smiled and winked at the pretty girls, and high-hoofed the men...and the villagers adored him. They put him on stages to do his tricks and he became so popular that they eventually put him on television. After all, he was an extraordinary unicorn.

One day, the little girl saw the unicorn on television. "Oh! Look!" she squealed.  "It's a unicorn! A real, live unicorn! I must find him!"  And, she immediately went searching for the unicorn. She traveled to many villages wondering where she could catch a glimpse of this magnificent creature. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of searching, she found him. There he was...in all his unicornial glory...dancing, singing, prancing on the shore of the river. And her heart leapt in her chest. "Oh, he is beautiful," she thought. "But, he will never notice me. I am a mere mortal...just a girl...I'm not a unicorn." And so, she simply stood and admired him from a distance.

Until, suddenly, the unicorn noticed the girl. "Say...that girl is lovely," he thought. "Why haven't I noticed her before? I must make myself known to her. I always smile and wink at the pretty girls." And so, he smiled and winked at the girl.  And she swooned a little.  "He noticed me! The unicorn sees me!" And she smiled and waved to him.

Before long, the little girl and the unicorn had become friends. They would go for long walks and talk about everything from rainbows and sparkly things to religion and politics. And they laughed. They laughed, and they played. They frolicked in meadows, they played on beaches, they galloped through forests...oh what fun they had!

But then, it began to rain. Only lightly at first. Just a few sprinkles. The unicorn became a little agitated, which surprised the little girl. "It's okay, unicorn...it's just a little rain," she whispered as she stroked his curly mane. "Wait...what is this?" The little girl looked at her hand and saw that it was covered in a sparkly, white residue. "How odd," she thought to herself...but, she shrugged and pretended not to notice.

After a few minutes, as the rain continued, the inevitable started to happen. The unicorn's white paint began to wash away in a few spots.  "Hmm...," thought the little girl. "My unicorn looks a little bit like a jackass." But, she pretended not to notice and continued to play with the unicorn.

As they frolicked, however, the glue on the waffle cone began to lose it's stickiness and the cone started to slip.  "Hmm...," thought the little girl. "That unicorn looks a lot like a jackass!" And she frowned a little...because, she didn't like jackasses very much. But, she so wanted her unicorn to be a unicorn, so she pretended not to notice.

Just then, the rain came down hard. The unicorn panicked and began to snort and buck, which caused the waffle cone to completely fall off...and his long ears unfurled from beneath his curly mane.  All of the white paint and glitter washed to the ground and he stood there...completely exposed.

And the little girl looked at him, folded her arms, and sighed, "I knew it. He really is just a jackass."  So she shook her head in disgust and walked home.

And she lived happily ever after.

The moral of this story:  Focus on what is real. If you are looking for a unicorn, you will not find one.  They do not exist.  They are all just jackasses.  Jackasses with waffle cones stuck to their heads.


  1. Replies
    1. Ha! Glad you enjoyed it...I know it was a little cynical. But, at least I'm not bitter. ;)